suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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