Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
