so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
