like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
