your parents love me but you hate me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
