i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
