We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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