just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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