I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
