I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
