So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
