nut hugger
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
