I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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