what if every blade of grass was a penis?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
