it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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