I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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