and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
