The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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