New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
As shirtless as possible
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
