Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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