matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
