wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
