On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
