so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
