Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
