told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
