I could make wine with my vomit
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
