You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
