gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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