I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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