cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
