Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
