so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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