I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
