Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
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