Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think your dad took our porno
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
