Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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