Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
