but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
