I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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