You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
