I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
