gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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