I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
