I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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