I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
