I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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