pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
well you can't waste a boner
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
