im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
