Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
